Rach’s 7 Steps to online dating success
The wonderful world of online dating hey? Love it or hate it, most of us can relate to it. Online dating sites are on the rise and it is getting easier and easier to meet potential partners. But where do you start and what you should you think about before you go diving in? Here I’ve listed 7 of my top online dating tips to help you get the best out of your dating experience. Enjoy!
Be safe! If you are meeting with a stranger that you’ve met on the internet no matter how long you’ve been chatting with them or think you know them, always meet somewhere very public, at a reasonable time and tell a friend or family member exactly where you are.
Before you venture out onto the online dating scene, be very clear about what it is that you actually want. So many people that I work with are very quick to real off all the things they don’t want in their relationships. Focusing on this just attracts more of it. Sit down, when you’re alone and quiet and really work out all the things you do want. Think about all the fun you want to have. All the wonderful personality traits you want to find in your lover/ partner, enjoy it. Write them down to clarify it in your mind. Expect the best and feel good when you are imagining all the things you want to find in someone special. The law of attraction is very powerful and can be accessed simply with your mind and attitude.
Listen. It’s quite nerve racking going out on a date with someone and the excitement and anticipation can leave you feeling quite flushed and anxious. Have a list of topics that you could talk about in your head before you go but try not to just go and blurt them out. Take your time, be interesting, a little mysterious, and more importantly, genuine. Listen when the other person is talking. Nerves can make people chatter on sometimes and then before you know it the date is over and you’ve just blabbed on about yourself in fear of any awkward silences. Try not to do all the work. Let your date instigate some conversation too and when they are talking listen to what they’re saying instead of focusing on the next topic of conversation.
Many people accidentally project their previous relationship onto their future ones. Try not to assume you know what’s going to happen next time round. Be positive, open minded and remember to stay focused on all the incredible experiences you want to have. Think about all the wonderful things that could be different in a positive way. If you have been hurt in your last relationship/s try not to carry that emotion with you as it will ooze in your energy and end up repelling what you actually want in the process. Also don’t go on about being hurt in the past. It’s a real turn off and puts a lot of pressure on your date which could scare them off.
Being yourself is thee most important thing. It may sound very obvious and even a bit cliché. But when we meet new people we all put on a bit of a ‘show’. We don’t want people to see our insecurities or our flaws so sometimes we find ourselves ‘acting’ like someone we’re not because we’re trying to get something that we haven’t got if that makes sense. Remember a happy, positive relationship will only work if two people really are themselves. So try to cut out the crap and be who you really are from the beginning. If it’s meant to be, it will be. This will save a lot of time and energy in the long run.
Sometimes when we want something so bad, we will try anything to ‘make it work’ when actually, the truth is, it’s not meant to work- and that’s ok. Don’t settle for something that you know, deep down is not right for you. Trust your instincts, they will speak to you and tell you what you’re already questioning. If the cons out-weigh the pros it’s usually time to call it a day and move on. Remember – settling for something that you don’t really want or forcing it to work is only hindering and blocking other incredible things and people to come into your life.
Have fun and don’t put too much pressure on yourself or your date. Try to enjoy the journey and not expect the next guy or girl to be ‘the one’. That is an incredible amount of pressure to put on yourself. There is so much focus on being in a ‘successful’ relationship that sometimes we forget to enjoy the experiences we have along the way to finding it. Every relationship is successful, it’s just how you choose to look at it. The ones that don’t work out, successfully taught you that for whatever reason, that person wasn’t right for you. Brilliant! Every person you meet in life teaches you something, whether it be about life, their character or something about yourself. Take each lesson and learn from it. Every date is a chance to grow, learn and most importantly – have fun!
Here’s a bit of a naughty trick if you are really desperate to get out of a date that is not going well at all. I advise having a pre- written text in your phone to send to a friend saying ‘Fail’/ ‘disaster’ or ‘Escape’ which they know is the code for them to call you with a get-out excuse. I know it’s not very nice but either is sitting with someone for 2-3 hours and squirming inside with discomfort. I advise never to be rude to a date but try to be honest. If you do have the confidence to say then and there why it wasn’t working for you, great but if not the get-out text is an alternative. Follow up with a call just telling them the truth. If it wasn’t working for you it probably wasn’t working for them either.