I recently went to a girly night with about 25 other women, only knowing 1 or 2 of them quite well. We all had a great time and it was fab to have a woman-only night. We all have an inexplicable understanding, connection and bond from the get go. Motherhood, men, friendships, work, equality etc. You know the scenario. You go around introducing yourself and end up picking a couple of girls to hang with that you instantly mesh with. You make the effort to speak to some others but quickly realise they bore the hell out of you and try to steer clear for the rest of the night.
Something that really stood out to me was the amount of women that were automatically putting themselves down after a compliment was made. It was strange and shocking to watch. Women can be the most supportive creatures (when they like you and they want to be- it’s a whole other story if they don’t!) We all gather round and say stuff like ‘you have an incredible figure’ ‘I love your hair’ ‘No way! You don’t look old’. We are so good at making each other feel good and boosting each-others confidence. But it seems like we’re almost programmed to be modest and instead of saying- ‘yeah I know, I do quite like that about myself. Thanks girls’ it’s like we’re forced to say ‘no, not me. You’re just saying that. Really?’ Are we fishing for compliments or are we peer pressured to be modest so people don’t think we’re conceited and arrogant? To be honest I think it’s a bit of both.
Sometimes it can be a bit of a mission getting compliments out of your other half right? It’s all flowers and romance at the beginning. But quite soon in we tend to find out about a well-known trait many men possess, that is the art of not noticing the little things us women do! LOL. It is not instilled in men to be like ‘Oh John have you had a haircut’ or ‘Are they new jeans you’re wearing today Pete?’ Men just don’t do that, men don’t really care! Whereas for us women, it’s almost like an insult NOT to notice if a female friend or work colleague has made an extra bit of effort. So when us girls are together we know we are safe to milk it, lap up the compliments and really and get the boost we need if we’re not getting it anywhere else.
The whole ‘not accepting compliments’ or ‘knocking yourself right down after a compliment’ worries me though. I’m not perfect- I found myself doing it too and I have extremely confidence. So what is all that about!?
I wanted to write this to make a point about it because if you have ever found yourself, a friend, a family member doing the same thing- we all have to help each other to stop it and do it as quick as possible. We are unconsciously brainwashing our daughters and the younger generation of females to indirectly self-bash themselves to be ‘accepted’. Women with confidence are sexy. We should be able to take a compliment that someone else has generously given and just say ‘thank you’. Accept that that person thinks this lovely thing about us, instead of counteracting with ‘no, I’m shy, modest, and humble and I don’t think I’m incredible’ ‘YES, ACTUALLY- I DO THINK I’M INCREDIBLE! Don’t ya just love it!?’ When someone has that kind of confidence it is contagious, they become role models. No one likes a show off or someone arrogant and up their own ass- that is not sexy at all. But being proud of what you have and who you are is very attractive. So let’s help spread the love and stop all the peer pressure and subliminal messages that say- to be sexy you have to be modest and not outwardly confident about things you are proud of.
All my love