I’m so worried my partner is cheating on me.
I’ve been with him for 5 years now. We live together and have a 1 ½ year old daughter. For the past 3 months I have felt really insecure. I know something is going on and it’s driving me crazy. He’s making loads of effort before he goes out all of a sudden, almost dressing up and wearing aftershave. He keeps on telling me he has to work late when he’s never had to before. He’s become more secretive with his phone. Always facing it down or keeping it on silent in his pocket. In fact he never leaves it around anymore like he used to. I did confront him about it but he told me I was being ridiculous and was creating a fuss for no reason. We haven’t had sex for ages and the times that we have it just didn’t feel ….. right. It’s like he’s suddenly become uninterested in sex. I really don’t know what to do as I have no proof that he is cheating. Please help me ‘cause I really don’t know what to do.
I’m so sorry to hear that you think your partner is cheating on you. The alarm bells are definitely going off in my head from what you’ve told me. The bottom line is, if you are feeling insecure (for good reason or not) your partner should want to reassure you. The fact that he isn’t, says a lot. Woman’s intuition is an incredibly powerful gift that we have and really shouldn’t be ignored.
You have three options here.
1. You can confront the situation again. Speak openly and honestly about the way you feel and tell him your worries about him cheating, with your reasons why you think this. People that are being dishonest usually tend to be defensive and argumentative. It’s a way of deflecting the blame. It’s a psychological tactic to make the other person feel bad or silly for ‘assuming’ or ‘making things up’. Don’t buy it. If he has nothing to hide he would happily reassure you and all of the issues that are worrying you, could be easily explained.
2. You can go with your gut, trust your instincts that he is cheating and end your relationship based on what you already know. Remember that men will never respect a push-over women. No matter how much you love someone, always have self-respect and never let someone treat you badly. This will not only empower you but you will also be setting a wonderful example to your daughter for when she’s older. This option takes courage, so dig deep and trust that inner voice, whatever it is telling you. As that inner voice is most probably right.
3. Or you can choose to get the evidence you need by digging a little deeper. I never like advising people to sneak around and be dishonest but I do understand the anxiety around this and also the need for clarity. If what you need to make your decision on how to handle this, is hard evidence. Then sometimes, unfortunately, that is what you need to get. It’s very upsetting when someone you love and trust can look you in the face and lie. So I understand the confusion between your brain and your heart. People who cheat can be quite unaware of the difference in themselves when they are cheating. Put your thinking cap on as it will probably be easier than you think to find out what you are after.
I wish you all the best with this Sarah. Remember to be a strong, assertive (and calm) woman, however you choose to handle this. The more dignified you are, the better you will feel and the more attractive to him you will become. It may be too late for him or it may just make him realise what he has with you and your daughter and do whatever it takes to rebuild the relationship and regain your trust.
I’m really wishing you all the best. Good luck! Let me know how it goes.